look at us, running around, always rushed, always late, guess that's why they call it the human race. what we crave most in this world is connection. and for some people it happens at first sight, it's when you know, you know. it's fate working its magic and that's great for them. they get to live in a pop song & ride the express train. but that's not the way it really works. for the rest of us, it's a less bit romantic, it's complicated, it's messy, it's about horrible timing and fumbled opportunities and not being able to say what you need to say, when you need to say it.

look at us, running around, always rushed, always late, guess that's why they call it the human race. but sometimes it slows down enough where all the pieces fall into place. fate works it magic, and you're connected.

every once in awhile amid all the randomness, something unexpected happens and it pushes us forward.



-the switch

'you keep on knockin' but you can't come in'

keep trying you aren't going to break me,
i'm stronger than you ever gave me credit for.

flame

brightly it burns, steady and straight
but with change it struggles, flickering back and forth wildly
struggling to regain its composure, its strength
searching for the common ground, between itself and outside forces
a constant battle against things out of its control
offering all it can, while simply holding onto itself
burning brightly until it is no more

1 can change everything

there are 6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls.

and sometimes, just sometimes...

all you need is 1.

beauty in the beakdown

when life feels unjust
and the heart weighs heavy
tears flow freely
cleansing the soul
quivering lips and trembling shoulders
yearning for the release
to wash away pain & fear
and breathe in hope and belief
to let go completely...

there is beauty in the breakdown.

The Backyard: Mumford and Sons - "Awake My Soul"

e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

....

brain,

please take a hiatus... i need a break.

thank you.
me

ponder

what is it that makes us perceive things the way we do and other things differently. and how have the experiences in our lives changed our perceptions, ideal, values, morals and beliefs of things negatively or positively? and what constitutes it being a negative or positive change, if there is any change at all? doesn't it all boil down to self perception and perceptions of the world around us in our own opinion?

nobody said it was easy

we all have our flaws
... our burdens to bear
... and pain to endure

but none of that is without the knowledge there is more out there.

we all want true happiness
... to love fully without hesitation
... and to fulfill our souls

to be ones self completely without reservations & knowing that being yourself is exactly what we all need and want. getting there is another journey, and nobody said it would be easy.

shel silverstein

Tell Me - by Shel Silverstein

Tell me I'm clever,
Tell me I'm kind,
Tell me I'm talented,
Tell me I'm cute,
Tell me I'm sensitive,
Graceful and wise,
Tell me I'm perfect -
But tell me the truth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ations- by Shel Silverstein

If we meet and I say, "Hi,"
That's a salutation.
If you ask me how I feel,
That's consideration
If we stop and talk a while,
That's a conversation.
If we understand each other,
That's communication.
If we argue, scream and fight,
That's an altercation.
If we later apologize,
That's reconciliation.
If we help each other home,
That's cooperation.
And all these ations added up
Make civilization.

(And if I say this is a wonderful poem,
Is that exaggeration?)

heart you

to dream as if you've never experienced pain
to laugh as if its the beginning
to cry as if its your last

live as if you are new to life,
to see all without hesitation and doubt,
moving forward putting one foot in front of the other,
knowing that this is the right action regardless the direction
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

gentle whispers among endless spoken words,
soak into my heart... making a place for themselves, its calming.
knowing the power that the simplest things have is scary, but worthwhile
believing in things that i have not grasped or touched, the moment itself seems forever away... but the belief is there

beastie boys -'sabatoge' as loud as i can handle... either that or smack the stupid out of someone!

Bugga' turns 2!!!

Happy Birthday,
Roen Marley!

You are the light of my life, the apple of my eye... my heart!

I cannot imagine life without you, you are such a wild card (wonder where you got it ;). I adore every moment with you!

Love you Bugga', so much!

unexplainable & i believe...

there are things that happen in life that are unexplainable.
the reasons why are not always the answers we thought we needed...
sometimes its the journey that it takes us on, the pain, the healing, the unexplainable.

there are days i don't ask why, i don't want to know why. i need to trust that i am where i need to be & that i'm headed in the right direction to where i am going... even if i get a little lost along the way (its the journey).
------------------------

i believe...
in myself (most days).
in the better of humanity.
that people get lost withing themselves and struggle at times to find a way back.
in karma.
being grateful is good place to start.
people intend to do good in this world, but things get messed up along the way.
my life will all work out... even if i don't know the outcome.
my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
that there is more for me out there than what i currently have.
in love.
in truth & honesty, that it really can set you free.
majority of people are more selfless than selfish, even if it doesn't feel like it.
in positive attitude.
life is what you make it.
what you put out into this world is what you get back.
sometimes good people have bad shit happen for no reason.
in romance.
all things heal in time.
a good cry can be healing.
in my family & friends.
people make things to complicated at times.

Avett Brothers

... but, I can't go back,
I don't want too.
Cause all my mistakes,
they brought me to you.

would you hear me...?

Forever always seems to be around when it begins,
but forever never seems to be around when it ends.

People spend so much time every single day...
runnin' round all over town giving their forever away
But no, not me, I wont let my forever roam,
now I hope I can find my forever home.

So give me your forever, please your forever, not a day less will do... from you.
---------------

I'd rather walk along, than chase you around
I'd rather fall myself, than let you drag me down.

Further along we just may....
-----

when your whole world is shaken, from all the risks you've have taken
when you have awoken, from all the dreams broken
the paths were walking on, they crumble behind us
but if we leave now, they will never find us
when you start hoping again, with your arms wide open...
come on dance with me into the colors of the dusk

'apple of my eye'

I miss the bejesus out of you Dad,
There is so much about what happened, what you did that I will never understand. So many thing etched into me permanently from that day. My life had drastically changed without my knowledge and again, I was left trying to hold myself together. I have my days when I accept as much as I can about your decision and I have my days when my soul aches. I do hope that you found the peace you needed. I love you.
------


memories that should be pleasant, filled with pain and loss.
pictures that would represent what should be, now fill space in a shoebox
dreams shattered without her knowledge
she trembles, tears from a heavy heart stream down her face
she keeps breathing
-----

is it easier to be a robot and not feel anything than to feel everything?
shutting down doesn't work anymore... not with this
walls crumble over time and I'm too tired to put them back up
raw... but real, everything is real
-----

Retrospect for Life

315 dollars ain't worth your soul...
315 dollars ain't worth your soul...

-Common

simple and strong

set me free and let me be...
i'll do me & you do you,
its healthier than the games we used to do.

as darkness settles into the twilight,
the release of all & nothing come with it.

feelings dissipate,
being of my own being again
& realizations that were long overdue.

heartache & pain, necessary evils
its what i choose to do with it.
it touches & changes me
ever knowing,
ever growing
into the person that i am meant to be.
--------------------------------------------------

life isn't fully lived without pain, laughter and love
--------------------------------------------------

some of the simplest things evoke the strongest emotions- and for that i am grateful!