Eyes wide open

I picked up my camera again, it's been a long time. Felt good, like crawling back into a part of myself I let go of. Through the lens I like how I can skew the view of the world into raw images, amazing how comfortable I became within a few clicks of the shutter. Letting go of the anger, frustration, fear and regrets/remorse. I am not innocent in all this, I know I caused pain and let pain be placed upon me... But I'm not 'damaged goods' and I try to forgive everyday, sometime multiple times a day. Anger is wasted energy on me, I want to put my energy into positives, healing and being myself again. So far so good, somedays are worse than others and somedays are beautiful, but as long as I can move forward I will be ok. I have the most supportive family & friends I could ask for, they have truly loved me where I am at and believe in me. I cannot ask for more in them for they have been everything that I have needed, even if I didn't want it. In situations like this you find out quickly who has your back unconditionally and who you can let go of. Sides were chosen, as I expected and that is ok. I have let go of wanting to know why? I don't need or get to know, I have accepted this. Realizations aren't always easy to face and can be painful to get through, but no one said life was easy and that everything you need would be handed to you... It isn't. I have to put in the work to heal myself and be me again, it isn't going to just happen. This journey has been difficult to say the least, but the more I move forward the
more I like what I am discovering and reconnecting with myself. A lot of tears, anger, resentments but there also been a lot of love, laughter and healing thus far. The heart, mind and soul of an individual are strong and if given the opportunity can pull through just about anything if belief and faith in oneself is present, even in the smallest amount... It will grow and flourish. No one can bring or give me happiness, that is for me to find again, which I am and it is extremely beautiful. No one is in charge of my happiness or my life, this is all on me and I am grateful for the strength I have to get through this and have come across some amazing realizations and discoveries that have helped me heal tremendously. I like being back in my skin again, in charge of my life, well being and happiness instead of just going through the motions and being 'there' but checked out. People can add to my happiness and make me laugh and remember this is all temporary as long as I keep moving forward and forgive. I like me again, I love life again and damn I missed laughing, feels so good to laugh- it's such a good release!