changeover

I will not be stifled
by those who deny growth
by ideas which forbid unfolding
by laws which suppress maturing.

I will not be intimidated
by the dictates of permanence.
I will not be smothered
by pretty mediocrity.
I will not be restrained
by the safe players.

I will protest the denial of life
and forge ahead.
How else will you and I meet?
The common place will not feed us.
We will starve in the middle of plenty.

I will make contact with myself
and grow toward you
with that extra sense of touch.
I will see you with the inner eye,
hear your unspoken words,
walk more than a mile with you.

I will be unpredictable.
I will live.
- Ulrich Schaffer
----------------------------------------------------------------

All growing is changing
from one state to another.
Leaving a world behind,
entering the fear of the
unaccustomed;
of colors that don't blend
of holy words that jar
of fractures that give rise
to visions.

We have left one realm
but have not arrived at the other.
We have given up one safety
but not gained another.
Above the gazing crowd
the trapeze artist lets go of his swing,
and then, if his timing is right
seizes the other swing,
without
asking time to stop for him.
That is the fight into growth.

That is the changeover
in which we experience our nakedness
to the point of hurting.
But there is not real growth without leaping,
without burning bridges
and standing wide- eyed and shivering
on a new shore.

And yet
without growth
there is nothing.
-Ulrich Schaffer

chaos vs. simplicity... where to even begin?

It has been awhile, quite awhile actually.

Lets start with the basics:

I have a daughter, a beautiful, just shy of being two little girl who is the 'apple of my eye'- she literally makes my heart dance with joy just being around her.

I am a single.

I went back to working for a previous employer, it puts a roof over 'bugs' head and pays our bills and in this economy I am grateful.

I think that covers it, or at least what I want to cover for the time being.

I have been writing a lot lately, most of it is just random thoughts that pop into my head or things that I just need to scribble down on the back of an old receipt so that I can take back my brain for awhile. I haven't had the urge or craving to draw lately, which is rather sad... its such a good outlet for me to have (along with some coffee and music). Maybe it will return, but for now I'll be content with the scribblings on receipts that I keep and ponder on later down the road at times. Poetry comes and goes in my brain, but I haven't written anything down for awhile for fear that it will become permanent... what an odd fear, now that I see it in writing. Possibly a fear that the words will be so strong and overcome me with permanence is a better way to put it?